We all know that person, or people if you’re unfortunate enough! The ones that are always pretending to be down on their luck, at life’s mercy, and/or always involved in some drama or problems. A Pity Pirate! A person playing the victim. If you KNOW that this person is playing the victim, that’s an unfortunate position to be in. You are the one that sees through all of their bullshit while having to watch others feed into it. GAG! If you don’t know that this person is playing the victim, check out these 10 signs below:
They Don’t Take Responsibility
They point the finger at others or ignore/deny their part in the problem or situation. This helps them feel (or pretend to feel) at the mercy of others or circumstances. For a person playing the victim, this is a golden way to make someone else at fault or responsible for their actions or consequences.
They Are Frozen In Their Life
This ties into not taking responsibility. They are at the mercy of the world so when things don’t happen for them, they sit back and complain. They don’t take action. This leads to them often being stagnant in their life and never growing as a person.
They Are Bitter
They hold grudges to avoid accountability. If they are ever called out or challenged, they will bring up old news to deflect their own part/actions. Aka, “Remember when you did this to me?”. This type of person can save their grudge for special circumstances or wear their grudge out every time they are around the other person. Like, “This is the hurdles I’m facing because of this thing that you did, but it’s all good” …and continues to mention it EVERY time they see the person.
They Are Manipulative
They feel powerless. Deep down they feel a sense of not having control of their life. This presents itself as them being manipulative as a means to get people to do what they want/need. They’re usually underhanded about it. Every met someone that keeps receipts? As in, “I did this for you, so you owe me”. This type of person LOVES playing the guilt card.
They Are Untrusting
Say hello to the textbook case of a guilty conscience. They project their own guilt of being untrustworthy onto other people, i.e “if I can fool you, you must be fooling me”. So these people are very untrusting and can even play it off as “I don’t want to keep getting hurt”.
Enough Is Never Enough
They will ALWAYS need more. More support, more sympathy, more empathy, more ears to listen as they vent about their life injustices. They are like a vacuum for your energy and time. They will stay in their cycles of complaining indefinitely if they can secure more of what they need from people. This can be easy to notice as interacting with them will leave you exhausted!
They Are Argumentative
They make everything about them, so when someone verbalizes any personal issue/conflict they will go to WAR over the smallest things. For people that are always living with the paranoia and insecurity of getting caught being unauthentic, as well as the guilty conscience of being deceitful, they take offense to EVERYTHING in an attempt to win the war before the battle even begins.
They Love A Pity Party
They feel deficient in some area(s) and look for specific emotional responses from others like sympathy, empathy, support, etc. When they can’t get these actions/reactions on their own, they turn to feel sorry for themselves, which may (often) lead to evoking the responses they initially wanted from others as a bonus. This can also come across as a “negative nancy”. They constantly look for what’s WRONG in even happy circumstances because positive, optimistic people don’t receive the same response as sad, needing people.
They Compare Themselves To Others
Not only are they always in other people’s business, but they also constantly compare themselves to others. They enjoy pointing out people’s flaws to feel better about themselves. Especially if it’s someone they envy. This is a major problem for the person they focus on because they will try to stay in contact JUST to be able to have the opportunity to judge them.
They Always Cut Off Relationships
Unlike normal people, this person will end relationships over the smallest conflict. This is often due to them needing to maintain their image or victim status and to avoid potentially being called out on their bullshit. Obviously, this will create a string of chaotic relationships and (you guessed it!) another way for them to be the victim. Look around at their friends, families, and even their employment history. Do they have ANY long-term friends? Do they join a group of friends and everyone magically stops being part of the group? Chances are they created conflict and, playing the victim, made people choose between them and another friend in the group.
It goes without saying that this list is NOT all-inclusive, nor is it definite. Someone can be untrusting because they have a history of having their trust broken. Sometimes the world really does deal you bad cards. Sometimes you do need some sympathy or support. You all know I fully support removing (to varying degrees) toxic people from your life. So take a hard look at your pity pirate (or potential pity pirate) and decide for yourself!